Lump, Part 1

Lump: Escape to Lump Mountain. Part One: The Rise

Originally conceived in 2012, Lump is a celebration of the young adult phenomenon. It clumsily uses tween sexuality and pregnancy in an artistically irresponsible manner to shed light on the human condition. And blowjays.

High School was difficult for any freshman with Jessica’s hairy arms. Her bowed shoulders, hard-sloped brow, and wrinkled knuckles lent the appearance of a startled ape which had scurried from life’s cradle only to find itself trapped in a gauntlet of emotional pitfalls and marketing campaigns a sadist named public education. The wide-set girth of her hips were offset by plastic glasses tucked under pigtails the color of turds her brother brought in from the pastures, caked in the stink of fermented cheese and the promise of escaping the now.

She had waited, as so many other marginally deformed children do, until the rest of the class was changed and playing outside before dressing in her Nulo High gym shirt and shorts. Jessica stood with her acid-washed rhinestone jeans and playful rhinestone top in her locker, dangling her new sports bra by one strap like a dead animal she found on the street.

Puberty never was a merciful beast, but it seemed to take a particular delight in cursing young Jessica. Blooming from two little ant bites apparently overnight, the poor girl now had two fuzzy-nippled teratomas dragging down her spine. Of course, the boys noticed – and Jessica didn’t mind. Few girls still in braces with areolas as wide as hers could boast the same number of fans, even in the swampland desolation of Nulo, Texas.

Sighing, Jessica snapped the corset under her sagging back flaps and adjusted the band. Unbeknownst to her, a timid girl with blonde hair and a man’s jawline crept in from the showers. She wore her hair in a ponytail which perfectly showcased her oversized ears and bony face. Her diagonal, gapped teeth chattered anxiously as she lurched in, one skeletal limb extended in front of the other.

The slender little girl wore an oversized Christmas sweater her aunt had painted for her, with a red pom-pom for Rudolf’s nose and miniature strand of lights wrapped around the antlers. The felt holding the battery pack scratched against her skin, but it was the only sweater large enough to conceal the wriggling bulge on her side.

Jessica hummed her favorite boy band’s latest hit, “Gurl I’mma Non-Threateningly Intercourse U,” while the  interloper skulked through the locker aisles. As Jessica finished the last bar, throwing her shirt over her head, the girl whispered, “Jessica.”

Jessica closed her locker.

“Jessica.”

She turned to leave.

“Jessica!”

Jessica spun, “Oh my gawd, I didn’t mean to run you over, why are you back for revenge – Stephanie? Girl, you scared me!”

Stephanie lurched over to the bench and sat. Jessica trundled over and sat down next to her, “You need to get dressed, don’t you know what day it is today?”

Stephanie stared back with a blank face, her sallow lips pouting while the mound under her sweater quivered, “Monday? Patriot Day?”

“It’s trampoline day!”

“Jessica,” Stephanie sighed. “I have more to worry about than trampoline class, okay?”

“What’s wrong?” Jessica rested one of her gorilla paws on Stephanie’s shoulder. “You know I have your back, girl.”

Stephanie’s sweater jiggled. “Well, I have this… that is, I had my date with Chad last night…”

Jessica gasped, mouth stretched so wide that her thin mustache was less visible than usual, “Chad Kroeger? Graduated last year and goes to Nulo Community College Chad Kroeger?”

Stephanie grinned at her accomplishment, not many girls with her bony chest and elbows could snag a college man – community or collegiate.

Jessica slapped her thighs in excitement, “Hung like a donkey and pounds like a freight train Chad Kroeger?”

“The same.”

Jessica tucked her face into her chin in the way she thought made her seem quirky and endearing, with the pursed lips of a duck or platypus. In reality, it made her look like a frustrated donkey. “What did you guys do?”

Stephanie rolled her eyes, “Oh nothing, we just watched The Tween Vampire Rape Sage – Part 1: Part Two. He fingered me while I cried.” She sighed as though she hoped to keep that memory forever.

“Aaaaw.” Then Jessica squealed, “Oh my gawd, it is sooooo dark.”

“I. Know.”

Jessica, mouth agape, leaned in and whispered, “Did you guys…do it?”

“Ew now, skank!” Stephanie recoiled, “We laid in each other’s arms while the Arcade Fire sang about Abraham’s Daughter.”

“Aaaaw!”

“I know, it was really romantic. He’s a great guy, spread the word. Like seriously, don’t even get me started, it was so sweet. We’re totally dating now; don’t tell anyone.”

Jessica leaned in, “Did you get his number?”

Stephanie’s head sank, “That’s actually what I wanted to talk about…when I woke up this morning he was gone.” She reached down and tugged the sweater over her head, “And when I woke up I had…this.”

A brown lump; a throbbing, hairy football attached by a sucker to Stephanie’s left side pulsated. A rotten yam latched to her ribs, quivering lips pulsing as the polyp sucked. Thick, rough hairs sprouted from moles and pimples dotting the palpitating hunk of meat.

“Holy god!” Jessica screamed. She cupped her paw of a hand over her mouth. She stared at the lump. Her eyes widened and the wad jerked in response. “What is that?!”

“Don’t tell anyone!” Stephanie whispered, “I haven’t told anyone yet.” She pouted. “At first I thought my boobs were coming in, but I think boobs are supposed to be…”

The angular girl looked down at the little balloon. It wriggled. “…higher.”

Jessica cringed, “Is it… is it infected?”

“I don’t know, girl – it’s something!” Stephanie sulked, “I just… I’m really scared and lost right now. I don’t know what to do – can you keep it a secret, girl?”

“Girl,” Jessica smiled, “your secret is safe with me.” She stood, gym shorts bunched between her wobbling thighs, “Now what do we do about trampoline class?”

“I don’t know.” Stephanie whimpered, her coy pride at her scandalous affair diminishing with each writhing tug of the drooling gob on her. “Should I see the nurse? Do you think she can do anything?”

“She could start.” Jessica clomped over to the locker room door and shouted at the gymnasium, “Coach!” She paused. “Coach! Stephanie can’t do trampoline class today.”

Stephanie heard a mumble from the outer room, muffled by the squeal of jumping children on the trampolines and fatter children playing video games on the bleachers.

“Because she’s sick. … Yea huh! … Like seriously, her vagina is bleeding!”

Stephanie gasped but Jessica shooed away her concerns with a gruff wave of the hand, “Yea, like everywhere! I’m taking her to the nurse, get three buckets.”

Jessica waddled back to the bench, “It’s cool. Let’s go out the back way though, girl.”